Just Different

"It's not wrong; it's not right; it's just different."

My wise mother-in-law shared this with me several years ago, and I am pretty sure it was in the context of respecting others' parenting styles. I don't know that I fully grasped the truth of the statement until now.
*Let me disclaim that I am not talking about illegal, immoral, unethical, negligent, etc. parenting decisions. It goes without saying those are "wrong."*

The way a couple or person parents is as varied and unique as the individual or couple and the child(ren) involved. Recently I have had to take a step back from talking to someone who is critical of almost every decision I make as a mom: from significant ones like the school we chose for Caroline to my career choices to insignificant ones like the way we dress her.

I do things differently than this mom did or would choose to do, but my way isn't better or worse and vice versa. The problem arose because she thought it was okay to be openly critical and provide commentary on my/our parenting.

As a result, I began questioning my worth as a mother and was constantly wracked with guilt. It took me a little while, and several talks with Jeffrey, to realize that the guilt and feelings of bad-momness didn't stem from decisions I was making but from my allowing someone else to make me feel this way.

Heavens knows I am not an expert and never will be. In fact, I have downloaded four parenting books in the last week and spent tons of time in Proverbs - and I only have one child! Thank goodness resources abound for desperate mamas of toddlers.

Some of my best advice has come from friends that do not judge or criticize but graciously listen and empathize (looky look! I rhymed and didn't mean to!). The encouragement from friends I admire as moms is priceless. Many times it helps to know others have felt the same frustrations and dealt with the same issues. Plus, there's usually plenty of laughter in the mix when people are sharing stories about their children, and that is never a bad thing.

My greatest sigh of relief and thanks is for God's grace for this imperfect mom.